FINE THEN IT'S WINGS IN SEVEN.

Before we start our post game commentary we would like to point out a few things:

1. NBC PLEASE NOTE THAT NOBODY LIKES BETWEEN THE GLASS WITH PIERRE MCGUIRE.


NBC PLEASE NOTE THAT NOBODY LIKES BETWEEN THE GLASS WITH PIERRE MCGUIRE.
Seriously, we're tired of it.
OMG GUYZ SO CINDY HAS A BREAKAWAY HE SPEEDS DOWN THE WING OMG OMG OMG-and now for Canon's Between the Glass with Pierre Mcguire!

Sorry, but we don't like you interrupting our hockey games like that. And we're pretty sure Mike and Dan don't like those interviews while they are trying to win the freaking Stanley Cup. Thanks but no thanks.


2. Filppula could use a trip to the spa and a couple deep body massages after the beating he took. Props, man. Seriously I bet he took half the Penguinitas hits...

3. Mellon Arena loves Marian Hossa. I think he's bffs with everyone in there. Really. I'm serious. I'm telling the honest truth. Really. Best friends forever they love him!

4. Throughout the series, the Red Wings should not have butts. But fortunately, Ozzie has been saving them. There's a reason he has won, what, three cups? Yea.

5. Hank Zetterberg resembles a porcupine.

So.

You got all hyped up for this game 6, wondering WHO will take the cup,WILL there be another game?



The suspense is killing you. BRING ON THE PENS.

So you sit down with your dinner, which you will not finish and watch the pens and wings battle it out.

Right off the bat, Pierre freaking McGuire is shown in between the boards. you feel like stabbing yourself. (Refer to note #1.)

Wait, hold the phone.
He used to have hair. See it? Hmm...

Okay once the party really started I saw a Zetter Turd sign. Okay, really? That was pretty clever. But after hearing Oven Chicken I guess anything can sound clever...

So Darren Helm had an early chance to score. But I forgive him for not scoring because HE'S A FREAKING BULLET. Like Superman but in hockey gear. And more adorable.

Ok SERIOUSLY I am tired of the miscalls. JStaal, sorry my brotha, but you pushed Hank into Flower. No question about that one Hank did not deserve that time out, young man. You should feel ashamed. And Hank needed to speak up.

SEE? SEE? HE'S FLEEING THE SCENE. HE'S GETTING AWAY SOMEBODY CATCH HIM

But it's ok cause Ozzie SLAMS THE DOOR on Malks, Ktang, and Cindy on the PP. He deserves a high five! *COUGH AND A NEW MASK COUGH*

The Creepiest Man in the NHL gets a semi-breakaway sort of thing but what does Ozzie say? THAT'S RIGHT, EVERYONE. HE SAYS NO.

While the wings and penguinitas argue back and forth for who gets the hot cheerleader, they each get a few chances to talk to her. But Flower gets lucky and Ozzie has too much mad skillz, yo.

But yea they don't score her(her being the puck), and she walks away in her mini skirt rolling her eyes.

"LYKE EH MY GOD U GUYZ ARE LYKE TOTALLY BEING LYKE IMMATURE LYKE UGH LYKE. LYKE."

the first period ends up 0-0.

Well with the way the Wings are trying to be like the Caps and not clear the puck, it could be worse. BUT OZZIE IS TOO BEASTLY FOR YOU.



Do work.

THEN THEY SHOW AN INTERVIEW OF CROSBY. and you point out how stupid and ugly he is while your mom sarcastically says "AW SUCHA CUTIE PIEEEEE<33<33".

vomit. don't even joke about that stuff.



Top 50 Most Beautiful Canadians MY ASS.

Also, is it just me or does he always sound like he's bored and would rather be eating donughts somewhere in a corner by himself?

As you settle down and try to finish your dinner after stopping to mute the tv while Cindy is being interviewed, JStaal says "hey" to the girl. she says "whats up". Ozzie gets jealous and invites her to his house.

1-0

Oh poop.

So JStaal puts on his Cookie Monster voice, just to spice the celebration up.

"HELLO COOKIE. MY NAME IS JSTAAL. I AM COMING TO EAT YOU. RAWRRRR RAWRRR RAWRRRR

Beat that, Geno."

But it's okay it was only one misplay COUGH LEBDA COUGH FILPPULA COUGH
Whatever Filppula had a tough game the Penguin jocks beat him up for talking to the hot cheerleader.

So the wings go to the gym to buff up and try to get the girl into the Pens house. They come back with killer arms and abs, and smile shyly at the girl. the girl is about to go in,but at last minute decides not to.

She heads back to the wings house. but the wings have got body guards at the door, and Ozzie tells her that he will NOT be distracted by her nice legs daisy dukes (makes a man go woo woo).

he tells her twice.

it's still 1-0...YAAY PIERRE INTERVIEW AGAIN YAAAAY. we will now all puke harmoniously.

second period, and the penguinitas have seduced the cheerleader in the locker room by taking their shirts off.

there are a few shots to which your dad says, "Ovie would've scored that."

Kennedy decides to become the president again and take off his shirt one more time for the girl. the girl winks, he smiles. Osgood is again distracted by this whole debacle. we wonder if he will be able to get through the game without getting a boner.

Still got, what, 15 minutes? You're good boys, pull through.

TK does a very interesting leap-into-the-boards-straight-into-the-other-pens-arms celebration.

We still like Geno's better.

2-0

Then, as you are relaxing on the couch after your dinner, the wings start seducing the girl. she decides to let them have some breakaways and hugs them a few times. then Flower, while eating a big mac, decides to basically leave the net open for the wings to score.

But the girl doesn't let them to take the next step and hook up. oh no, she just dances with them. dances and dances and dances. osgood is not distracted now though, he makes the stops. fucking brick wall you are, osgood.

THEN DRAPER GOT THE GIRL. they hooked up inside Flower's "house".

2-1.

So Dan Cleary gets a FREAKING SEXY pass from I think Pavel Datsyuk I'm not sure who would have had the assist I was too busy ripping my hair out and falling to my knees screaming it bitter agony that it didn't go in. But he doesn't elevate it enough and Flower ends up with a save.

But it totally reminded me of the stop in Game 7 on Oven Chicken (SERIOUSLY THOUGH. WTH OVEN CHICKEN? OVECHKIN? JEEZ) NBC agreed a few seconds later with probably the only thing I have ever liked to hear them say.

Ok I can't really look at that picture for too long or I burst out crying.


Ok but if you look, he didn't really elevate it...get it to the top corners and you'll get it next time, Dan.

Its near the end of the game, and the girl is flirting with the pens AND the wings. what a strange girl. she gives the wings a couple of chances, they do not score, and then all of a sudden Bobby Scuds (aka bathtub) turns into Super Pretend Goalie Man and plays a little goaltender.

Okay I have to admit Scuderi has had a great series. Even though he's helping the Pens. From a view of somebody that doesn't care who wins...he has really been the standout d-man.

Anyways...

Since when are the pens allowed to have 2 FUCKING GOALIES on the ice?

Makes no sense to me.

So the girl goes to the shirtless penguinitas this time, and you hope that game 7 will be much, much better for the wings. theyll get the chickita next time.

series tied 3-3

Next game it better be the other way around.

Oh and we do love the Staal brothers but seriously, brotha,

you're reminding me of a mouse, brotha. Or a monkey.

I can't wait until he shaves.

Chin up, boys. Remember these days?

Follow Ozzie's example and DO WORK.

WE BELIEVE.

GAME 7. WIN IT. LETS GO WINGS.

Make her cry.

P.S.

This cracks me up.

Oh and two days without hockey is making me sick. Good thing there's only 45 hours or so.

Wait.

45?

Darn you NBC.