FINE THEN IT'S WINGS IN SEVEN.

Before we start our post game commentary we would like to point out a few things:

1. NBC PLEASE NOTE THAT NOBODY LIKES BETWEEN THE GLASS WITH PIERRE MCGUIRE.


NBC PLEASE NOTE THAT NOBODY LIKES BETWEEN THE GLASS WITH PIERRE MCGUIRE.
Seriously, we're tired of it.
OMG GUYZ SO CINDY HAS A BREAKAWAY HE SPEEDS DOWN THE WING OMG OMG OMG-and now for Canon's Between the Glass with Pierre Mcguire!

Sorry, but we don't like you interrupting our hockey games like that. And we're pretty sure Mike and Dan don't like those interviews while they are trying to win the freaking Stanley Cup. Thanks but no thanks.


2. Filppula could use a trip to the spa and a couple deep body massages after the beating he took. Props, man. Seriously I bet he took half the Penguinitas hits...

3. Mellon Arena loves Marian Hossa. I think he's bffs with everyone in there. Really. I'm serious. I'm telling the honest truth. Really. Best friends forever they love him!

4. Throughout the series, the Red Wings should not have butts. But fortunately, Ozzie has been saving them. There's a reason he has won, what, three cups? Yea.

5. Hank Zetterberg resembles a porcupine.

So.

You got all hyped up for this game 6, wondering WHO will take the cup,WILL there be another game?



The suspense is killing you. BRING ON THE PENS.

So you sit down with your dinner, which you will not finish and watch the pens and wings battle it out.

Right off the bat, Pierre freaking McGuire is shown in between the boards. you feel like stabbing yourself. (Refer to note #1.)

Wait, hold the phone.
He used to have hair. See it? Hmm...

Okay once the party really started I saw a Zetter Turd sign. Okay, really? That was pretty clever. But after hearing Oven Chicken I guess anything can sound clever...

So Darren Helm had an early chance to score. But I forgive him for not scoring because HE'S A FREAKING BULLET. Like Superman but in hockey gear. And more adorable.

Ok SERIOUSLY I am tired of the miscalls. JStaal, sorry my brotha, but you pushed Hank into Flower. No question about that one Hank did not deserve that time out, young man. You should feel ashamed. And Hank needed to speak up.

SEE? SEE? HE'S FLEEING THE SCENE. HE'S GETTING AWAY SOMEBODY CATCH HIM

But it's ok cause Ozzie SLAMS THE DOOR on Malks, Ktang, and Cindy on the PP. He deserves a high five! *COUGH AND A NEW MASK COUGH*

The Creepiest Man in the NHL gets a semi-breakaway sort of thing but what does Ozzie say? THAT'S RIGHT, EVERYONE. HE SAYS NO.

While the wings and penguinitas argue back and forth for who gets the hot cheerleader, they each get a few chances to talk to her. But Flower gets lucky and Ozzie has too much mad skillz, yo.

But yea they don't score her(her being the puck), and she walks away in her mini skirt rolling her eyes.

"LYKE EH MY GOD U GUYZ ARE LYKE TOTALLY BEING LYKE IMMATURE LYKE UGH LYKE. LYKE."

the first period ends up 0-0.

Well with the way the Wings are trying to be like the Caps and not clear the puck, it could be worse. BUT OZZIE IS TOO BEASTLY FOR YOU.



Do work.

THEN THEY SHOW AN INTERVIEW OF CROSBY. and you point out how stupid and ugly he is while your mom sarcastically says "AW SUCHA CUTIE PIEEEEE<33<33".

vomit. don't even joke about that stuff.



Top 50 Most Beautiful Canadians MY ASS.

Also, is it just me or does he always sound like he's bored and would rather be eating donughts somewhere in a corner by himself?

As you settle down and try to finish your dinner after stopping to mute the tv while Cindy is being interviewed, JStaal says "hey" to the girl. she says "whats up". Ozzie gets jealous and invites her to his house.

1-0

Oh poop.

So JStaal puts on his Cookie Monster voice, just to spice the celebration up.

"HELLO COOKIE. MY NAME IS JSTAAL. I AM COMING TO EAT YOU. RAWRRRR RAWRRR RAWRRRR

Beat that, Geno."

But it's okay it was only one misplay COUGH LEBDA COUGH FILPPULA COUGH
Whatever Filppula had a tough game the Penguin jocks beat him up for talking to the hot cheerleader.

So the wings go to the gym to buff up and try to get the girl into the Pens house. They come back with killer arms and abs, and smile shyly at the girl. the girl is about to go in,but at last minute decides not to.

She heads back to the wings house. but the wings have got body guards at the door, and Ozzie tells her that he will NOT be distracted by her nice legs daisy dukes (makes a man go woo woo).

he tells her twice.

it's still 1-0...YAAY PIERRE INTERVIEW AGAIN YAAAAY. we will now all puke harmoniously.

second period, and the penguinitas have seduced the cheerleader in the locker room by taking their shirts off.

there are a few shots to which your dad says, "Ovie would've scored that."

Kennedy decides to become the president again and take off his shirt one more time for the girl. the girl winks, he smiles. Osgood is again distracted by this whole debacle. we wonder if he will be able to get through the game without getting a boner.

Still got, what, 15 minutes? You're good boys, pull through.

TK does a very interesting leap-into-the-boards-straight-into-the-other-pens-arms celebration.

We still like Geno's better.

2-0

Then, as you are relaxing on the couch after your dinner, the wings start seducing the girl. she decides to let them have some breakaways and hugs them a few times. then Flower, while eating a big mac, decides to basically leave the net open for the wings to score.

But the girl doesn't let them to take the next step and hook up. oh no, she just dances with them. dances and dances and dances. osgood is not distracted now though, he makes the stops. fucking brick wall you are, osgood.

THEN DRAPER GOT THE GIRL. they hooked up inside Flower's "house".

2-1.

So Dan Cleary gets a FREAKING SEXY pass from I think Pavel Datsyuk I'm not sure who would have had the assist I was too busy ripping my hair out and falling to my knees screaming it bitter agony that it didn't go in. But he doesn't elevate it enough and Flower ends up with a save.

But it totally reminded me of the stop in Game 7 on Oven Chicken (SERIOUSLY THOUGH. WTH OVEN CHICKEN? OVECHKIN? JEEZ) NBC agreed a few seconds later with probably the only thing I have ever liked to hear them say.

Ok I can't really look at that picture for too long or I burst out crying.


Ok but if you look, he didn't really elevate it...get it to the top corners and you'll get it next time, Dan.

Its near the end of the game, and the girl is flirting with the pens AND the wings. what a strange girl. she gives the wings a couple of chances, they do not score, and then all of a sudden Bobby Scuds (aka bathtub) turns into Super Pretend Goalie Man and plays a little goaltender.

Okay I have to admit Scuderi has had a great series. Even though he's helping the Pens. From a view of somebody that doesn't care who wins...he has really been the standout d-man.

Anyways...

Since when are the pens allowed to have 2 FUCKING GOALIES on the ice?

Makes no sense to me.

So the girl goes to the shirtless penguinitas this time, and you hope that game 7 will be much, much better for the wings. theyll get the chickita next time.

series tied 3-3

Next game it better be the other way around.

Oh and we do love the Staal brothers but seriously, brotha,

you're reminding me of a mouse, brotha. Or a monkey.

I can't wait until he shaves.

Chin up, boys. Remember these days?

Follow Ozzie's example and DO WORK.

WE BELIEVE.

GAME 7. WIN IT. LETS GO WINGS.

Make her cry.

P.S.

This cracks me up.

Oh and two days without hockey is making me sick. Good thing there's only 45 hours or so.

Wait.

45?

Darn you NBC.

Red Wings Rage War

Yesterday, the Penguins took a beating from the Wings.
The Penguins looked like 10 year olds getting beaten up by 13 year old kids for their lunch money.

Below is a shot of what the Red Wings didn't experience much of, the beating was the other way around.

This game got so interesting that two pair skaters got on the ice!

Recap:

After a couple of chances from both teams to beat the crap out of each other and steal each others lunch money, the Wings decide that MAF will be attacked.

Datsyuk and Cleary team up and punch MAF in the balls and face until he insists that they go away by giving them his lunch money.

They go get some Coca Colas and Snickers with this lunch money that they are sharing, and frolick off. (Yes, I laich the word frolick)

1-0

Meanwhile, the other members of the Wings are getting hungry.

Hossa decides to strike with someone who we can't spell the name of.

Since MAF cried to his mom, Dan Bylsma, he has more money this time.

As they approach MAF they decide to punch him in the face and stomach and then split the money 50/50. They get their money, with a piteful attempt at a stop from MAF.

2-0

They then decide to get Pop Tarts and Slurpees from 7-11 to celebrate. Then the Wings get jealous of these four gentlemen, and decide that they all deserve MAF's damn lunch money.

This shot is beautiful.

Now back to the story...

They scheme a way to get it, and Kronwall strikes first. Kronwall had to pack a few more punches for the lunch money, but oh was it worth it. Those Big Gulps and Skittles for the whole team were great gifts from MAF's beating.

3-0

Datsyuk returns well fed, and decides to share the rest of his lunch money with Rafulski.
What do you think Rafulski did? He spent it wisely.
4-0

At this point in the game, the Wings are well fed, and dominating the hungry Penguinitas. Malkin is sad, so Dan Bylsma takes a little snack break.

Awwwww.

This snack break makes the Wings decide that they are not yet quite full. So they assign Zetterburg the job to beat MAF up and take his lunch money. And he does. They buy a nice large pizza with this money.

5-spankin 0.

MAF starts bawling, and is pulled off the playground. There are a few more chances for the Wings to eat, and beat up the new goal tender, but they finally feel bad, and want to give the kid a break. BUT, the fights continue, with the rest of the Penguins just to amuse the Red Wing fans that are watching behind the fence of the playground.

Also, on a sidenote: Someone please tell NBC that Pierre is not liked by most of the fans. The only funny thing that occured when he was being shown was Billy Guerin going: YAH YAH when Pierre asked if he was ok. That's it. We do not care what is going on between the boards. We care about what's on the ice.

SERIES: 3-2 WINGS.

Penguinitas have a fiesta...

Has anyone ever wondered why the Penguinitas decided to have white outs?

With those white shirts, they are basically screaming: OH MANZ WE IZ STOOPID CUZ OTHER TEAM WEAR WHITE AND WEZ WEAR WHITE, GOOOO OTHER TEAMZ WOO WOO OMG.

Okay, here is a recap of the Penguinitas vs. Red Wings game from yesterday.

It is quite lengthy since there was a good amount of goals scored.

The refs make a really great call right off the bat.



Cause he was totally tripped.

So the 'kill is going fine, then all of a sudden Malkin takes some shots of vodka and scores a goal. But we forgive him a little bit because he's a teddy bear.

We love you too, Geno.

Oh and he had a great celebration.

Q: How many pictures did the media get of his celebration?

A: Obviously not enough.

As you are wondering if what happened to our beloved Caps will happen to the Wings, they become friends with the net again.

1-1 BOOYAKASHA.

Thanks, Bobby Scuds. You have permission to suck it.

After a little bit of frolicking in the fields with his best friends, Cindy and Geno, Brad Stuart takes the Wings' friendship with the net a step further.

2-1

As MAF, also know as the one who pooped the puck into the net a couple of times in Game 2, mends his relationship with his net, Malkin decides that he owns this place, and gets a break away. No Goal. You can wipe off the sweat from your forehead.

You are a brick wall, Ozzy.

BUT AS YOU ARE GRABBING YOUR PINK TOWEL, STAAL GETS A BREAKAWAY. He decides that if the wings want to best friends with the net, he's gonna make them have a cat fight for its frienship.


2-2

And then, as you are placing your pink towel down in disbelief, THEY FUCKING MEND THEIR FRIENDSHIP.

Ktang don't be such a slut. This is neither the time nor the place for that. Control yourself!

3-2, Cindy and the girls celebrate as if they just saw Santa Claus. As you stop cursing your TV out, it becomes 4-2. WONDERFUL(buckets of sarcasm dumped into that)

The two teams are back in the field, frolicking, as Detroit decides to forget how to play hockey. Malkin owns the place once again with a breakaway. Its okay though, no goal. The net doesnt like facing Malkin one on one.

In the third period, the Penguinitas rub it into the Wings' face that they are bff's with their net. As you begin wondering whether you should just walk away from the TV, the slash on Cindy makes you laugh like a hyena and you stay seated.

Penguins win, 4-2.
Series tied 2-2.
Frick.

Yea we're upset too.



But that made us feel a little bit better.

In addition...
-Our buddy Eric Fehr, had two surgeries, on both his shoulders. They say the recovery time is about 3-6 months but we hope he's ready by training camp and that he recovers quickly!



-Dave Steckel had surgery on his broken finger but it wasn't supposed to be complicated and he is expected to make a quick recovery.



-Oh and in the latest Karl news, he participated FULLY in practice today at Hersheypark Arena!!! Congratulations, Al. He is questionable for this weekend's game.